Sunday, July 31, 2016

Price Your Own Healthcare: The K-Put Price-Is-Rite Stamp Gun

This morning, an article caught my eye: ZendyHealth doubles down on patient consumerism with Pick-Your-Price feature.  Name my own price for healthcare services?!  Sign me up!

How many times have you been shocked by the amount you owe after what you thought was a simple, quick office visit? Ever wonder why you pay so much in medical premiums each month only to have to pay even more than that monthly premium after a 10 minute procedure at your doctor’s office? Well there is a solution!

Note: The following adapted from one of my favorite Saturday Night Live skits.

Price Your Own Healthcare

[FADE IN on a woman standing in a doctor’s office at the discharge counter. She’s handed the statement from her office visit, looks at the amount due on the statement in dismay, and then frowns widely.]

Announcer: High cost of healthcare getting you down? Then get down on high healthcare prices with the new Price-Is-Rite Stamp Gun from K-Put!

[Just after she holds out her hands in resignation, a yellow Stamp Gun with a long roll of paper magically appears in her right hand. Sprightly, happy strings start playing in the background, like an old promotional film. She looks down at the Stamp Gun with wonder.]

Announcer: Simply snap in a K-Put price tag roll, adjust the fingertip control price dial, aim your Price-Is-Rite stamp gun over the Amount Due marking, pull the trigger, and presto! Look at this! An extended office visit (CPT 99215) for only 3 cents!

[The woman is seen setting up the Stamp Gun, then aiming it at a medical invoice. CUT to the LED of a credit card machine showing $000.03. CUT to the woman cradling her Stamp Gun and smiling slyly.]

Announcer: A new left knee for just 8 cents!

[The woman, in a wheelchair exiting a hospital, aims the stamp gun at a large stack of billing forms and the credit card machine rings up $000.08. The woman cradles her Stamp Gun and smiles in exactly the same way, then CUT to her being rolled into a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon’s office as if on a free shopping spree.]

Announcer: Save thousands of dollars! Cover your entire family for just pennies a day! Help your friends get ridiculously cheap healthcare --it’s fun and easy!

[FADE to the lady standing in the checkout lane at Walgreen’s getting two coins in change from a cashier. The cashier then yanks a three-foot-long receipt out of the register and drops it in her hand.]

Announcer: One trip to the drug store, and your K-Put Stamp Gun will pay for itself!

[CUT to the happy shopper displaying the Stamp Gun in one hand and two coins in the other. She smiles and winks at the camera.]

Announcer: Get all the healthcare you’ve ever wanted! There’s no better way to stretch your healthcare dollars!

[CUT to graphic of the Stamp Gun with the price flashing next to it.]

Announcer: K-Put’s Price-Is-Rite Stamp Gun. A steal at only $49.95 while they last. That’s $49.95...

[CUT to a slide of the mailing address.]

Announcer: To K-Put Price-Is-Rite Stamp Gun, Department 8, Shopping Mall, New Jersey. Void where prohibited by law.

[FADE to black]
= = =
The above adopted from the Saturday Night Live transcript shown here. You didn't think I could come up with this on my own did you? :)

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